From Russia with Love
by lorenapineapple
Summary: Love is only a word until someone arrives to give it meaning. (A story where the distance will be one of the worst enemies between the two. The other girls will appear.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Sorry for the gramatical disaster. Problems of being a Spanish teenager, I guess. See you in the next chapter, if you prompt me that it will be a good idea to continue translating.

* * *

The days were always the same. Always the same empty sky, the same sun that failed to shine over the years. The same cold, dry air that took the breath with barely any effort. Always the same; I was starting to get tired.

I got up very early to go to the shrine before going to class. Honestly, I would rather not getting up. It was a gray and heavy day, with a solitary surroundings like almost everyday, in fact. Get up alone, to continue alone all the day. Somewhere in my body I could feel that I didn't deserve to have an everyday like that, but it was what the stars have for me.

I liked helping in the shrine. That way, my spiritual power became stronger and more intense. I felt more confidence in myself without having to have contact with anyone. Not because I didn't want it, but it was not my thing...

The streets were almost empty, except for a couple of adults who came to work. Adults working for support their families. Adults living independently. I also lived alone, and worked in the shrine to pay the rent of my apartment. I might considered myself as an independent person but I didn't want. I thought that after all, I was still a high school girl, with no major concerns that studies, or physical figure, as most. I sighed with barely noticing it, before reaching my "work". I went in and I put on my clothes of volunteer to go to clean the ground, full of dry leaves and some other package. I never understood why people were always messing holy places like that, but I was happy to help collecting it.

When I finished, about half an hour later, I dressed in my school uniform and headed the preparatory Otonokizaka at a slow and steady pace, trying to appreciate the beauty of autumn in Japan. I got lost in my thoughts without much sense, and before I knew it, I had reached the high school. You could see a few groups of friends chatting and sharing interests in common. Ignoring them, I went into the building and up the stairs to my classroom. I was walking without too much difficulty among bigger groups who were in the halls, practically preventing the passage. When I saw the poster in my class I went over there and got in, sitting in the corner, next to the window. I always sat there; in my world. Others seemed to prefer sites closest to the front, there was even a free spot right in front of me. It's not like I cared ... I guess I was happy that way, appreciating the world through the window every day. Yeah, I guess ...

I used to read when I had nothing else to do, both during breaks and in classes that seemed too boring. Nobody used to come and talk to me, and if they did, it was to ask me a prediction of the future. They only knew me from my tarot cards, just that. I was not much more than a body without a soul for the rest of my classmates.

Shortly after my arrival in class, our teacher also arrived. Next, the class representative stood; We imitated her.

"Salute!" She said. We lean forward slightly as a polite bow, something normal that we carried out every day. Then we went back to sit, and the sensei began talking.

"Good morning everyone. Before starting the class today, we have a new partner with us. She's foreign so please, do make her feel like at home. Go ahead, Ayase-san!"

My eyes widened almost out of its orbit when that young woman with bright blond hair made its appearance in our class. She called a lot my attention, seeming different. Perhaps it was because of her blue, deep and beautiful eyes... Who knows.

"Nice to meet you, my name is Ayase Eri and I'm Russian. Let's get along."

She spoke those words with a cold, dry and threatening tone. She was frowning, but still looked beautiful. The features of her face were very delicate, and her body was perfectly proportioned. To my surprise, she walked to occupy the site (until then empty) that was right in front of me.

The sensei continued his explanation of an issue of biology that I couldn't distinguish; I was too lost in my own world. Half the time I spent watching my surroundings: the empty courtyard, along with dry leaves moved by the air performing a perfect and natural choreography; the class ambience, conversations with those little paper notes and those who slept secretly trying to avoid detection; and that day especially, that new strange and rude girl, transmitting the character of Russia by just moving her lips.

When the little free time we had arrived mid-morning, a few girls came to Eri looking for friendship or just giving her a place in their clubs. She rejected them in a way very edge, and left alone. The girls were sad, but they chose not to insist.

The morning passed as usual, nothing new, nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary, removing the behavior so different from the girl. I tried not to think so much about nonsense things like that, and I waited patiently for the time when we could go home. It had been a pretty busy day, I did nothing, but I was very tired. I decided to take a nap after eating something.

I cooked some noodles quickly and I ate them in record time. Too tired to scrub what was dirty, I put the dishes I had used in the sink and I went to my room. I lay on the bed and before long, my eyes closed, plunging me into a deep sleep.

* * *

~ The hurried steps and simultaneously calm of her classmates contrasted with the dull atmosphere that surrounded her. The quick movements confused her. She could feel something that even not knowing what was it, was broking her, opening a deep rift inside her. She fell into a bottomless pit from which she would never escape. A dark hole, without ground, without sky. The space began to fill with a shower of cards, tarot cards, her same deck. All the cards were the same. The Star. A card which meant among other things, hope and insight. Suddenly, in that rain of identicals cards, a distinction was made place. The Lovers. The Lovers and The Star. That could mean that a new love could be given... and received. All of a sudden, the darkness was blinded by a bright light, reflected by fair hair...~

* * *

I woke up hard breathing. What just happenes? Without knowing exactly why, I ran to the desk, I opened a drawer and took out my deck. All cards were there. I sighed deeply before I realized that it was night, and I had spent the aternoon in that kind of dream or nightmare.

I went to the kitchen again, and patiently put to boil rice. I sat melancholy and focused my eyes on the traditional porcelain tea sets; my mother had given then to me, and I love them. So I placed them in sight, helped me remember her even knowing all the kilometers that separated us. Lines of blue and red paint were drawn making semicircles eith loose and carefree strokes, transmitting peace and freedom. My mother knew me enough, she knew that I liked those spiritual feelings that made you feel closer to your interior.

As I finished dinner, I took a book from the backpack that I had left in the hall that afternoon when returned from class and read the lesson we gave. I had not heard exactly what we were doing, because a silky high ponytail who was right in front of me was my focus.

 _I have to stop thinking in such nonsense ... ah, rice!_

I removed the fire just in time, with a snort strain relief. I poured some in a bowl and sat down at the table ready to eat it; alone, as usual. I had never stopped to think about my little social life until that day, I actually felt very happy, I couldn't complain. I had an apartment, I was doing well in school, I just felt loneliness in every corner...

The next morning, I was still feeling the feeling of loneliness that had never before felt so strongly. I dressed, had breakfast and left my apartment following the same route every day. When I got to school there were only a small group of girls talking about Idols or something like that, I ignored them and sat in my corner, staring out the window. The leaves moved by the wind struck me as so beautiful, seemed to have been rehearsing every move, every millimeter of flight. Nature made small miracles like that every second. The sound of air, the hidden sunlight, the beauty of life in all these events …

"Today we will work in pairs to do a report on different nationalities ..."

Without realizing it, the sensei had already entered the classroom and started to teach the class.

"Tachibana-san with Tetsuya-san ..."

 _It's funny how all the girls smile as they know they have to work with a friend of hers._

"Hashiri-san with Kaname-san ..."

 _Hanging out with someone who likes you should be fun._

"Kirigiri-san Asahina ..."

 _Today her blond hair looks even brighter ..._

"Toujou-san with Ayase-san ..."

 _... Oh heavens ..._

Ayase-san turned her chair to put it in front of me, sharing both my table. After the sensei give explanations about work, she spoke.

"We'll do it about Russia."

"O-okay..." I said. "But you're the only one who knows about Russia..."

Shee looked at me with a frown and snorted.

"Then I'll do everything ..."

Her answers made me nervous; not only by the fact that they were as edges, but also because she looked me in the eyes when she replied.

"Oh, no, we have to do it together, you mustn't do all the work."

"I'm the only one who knows about that country, therefore, leave it to me ..."

"We should spread the workload."

"No, I will do it..."

"... Ericchi!"

She was silent. A strong blush covered her face, and for the first time in our little conversation, she took her eyes away from mines. It was a mistake to have said that, I didn't even think about it. I just said it without thinking of the consequences. Although I had to admit that she was lovely with that red cheeks.

Eri, trying by all ways do not look into my eyes, gave me a paper and a pen.

"... So... I speak... and you write ..."

"Okay..."

She began to dictate a few sentences about Russian culture that I didn't understand. Nor I was keen to understand, but I liked the sound of her voice with that special accent and yet the Japanese so well spoken.

When she took a break, I looked up to meet her. When she saw me, she turned to blush and looked away. I couldn't do anything but let out a sweet and innocent giggle.

Ericchi, Ericchi, Ericchi, Ericchi. I just wanted to call her like that again and again, see that reaction every time I could.

"How are you going?" We hear the voice of the sensei at our side.

Ericchi handed the paper and he read with time and motivation. As he read the last sentences, he nodded.

"Okay. Okay. I think we should use this thing of couples more often ..."

 _I think so, sensei._

It wasn't long until the bell rang signaling the end of classes. I gathered my books and got up from the seat, giving Ericchi a pleasant smile before saying goodbye with a quick hand movement.

Downstairs, I had to hold the huge desire I had to smile like an idiot. It was difficult, but I barely made it. On the way back to my home, I freed myself from that burden and I started to laugh. I wasn't quite sure why, but I felt very happy. Very very happy.

"... Toujou-san, wait!"

I turned around and my breath somehow stopped. Looking at her running toward me could stop the beating of my heart.

"... What?"

When she reached me, she had to take a few moments to catch her breath.

"You dropped this after school ..."

She handed me a tarot card. The Lovers, to be exact. I smiled.

"Thank you ... Ericchi."

She turned to blush and her eyes were focused on the floor. "You're welcome."

"Oh by the way, Ericchi…"

"Yes ...?"

"You can call me Nozomi. "

She lifted her head and her beautiful blue eyes landed on my calm turquoise ones.

"Okay... Nozomi."


	2. Chapter 2

It had been nearly a year since the day we decided to open up to each other. Since that cold, wild soul began to show me its most tender and gentle side. Since I started to say "Ericchi" every day of my life.

At first, her dry tone and her actions and responses not very well chosen scared me a bit, but I just had to lend a sympathetic smile for her to leave out her warmth from inside. I spent my days teaching her things she didn´t know, like Japanese traditional food, songs, festivals, costumes... everything seemed wonderful to her. Equally wonderful that she seemed to me.

Knowing her disturbing and interesting way of being had become my favorite hobby, without a doubt. That angelic features Russian ballerina captivated me from dawn to dusk. It was a routine imagine her there with me every nightfall before bedtime. My feelings were dubious, but I preferred to think of my Ericchi that understand them.

I will try to explain, but it will be difficult to understand me if you haven't ever felt those quick and strong beats, if you have never felt how the stars with all its constellations revolved around yourself when she called me on the phone every night, if you have never smiled at her voice, or her name.

 _We always happen to be an accident full of intent._

I couldn't admit that I knew her as well as I would like; I hardly dare to label her as a friend, having never talked about it. Anyway, that friendship was something I didn't really understand, and somewhere inside my head, it was a very short word to describe all those tumbles from my heart when Ericchi laughed with that sweet voice that only I had listened.

Since that meeting, we begin to see each other each day in class and during breaks. We wore silly excuses, like homework or studies, in order to see us. Every day I woke up happy knowing that I could see her. Every day was a wonderful day just by having her on it. Her charming personality opened to me a slow but steady pace.

Ericchi proved to be an adorable young girl with a strong character. Her heart of gold was very strong, so much so that sometimes it was hard to shed that titanium armor that kept it safe.

I appreciated those looks of envy that some girl shot me for spend hours with her, I felt lucky. Ericchi was much admired by everyone, both for its unique beauty as for its great physical and mental abilities. Sometimes I thought why I could only think of her. It was ironic, but true. With the rise of the afternoon, the time I had to spin her image in my mind was bigger. I dreamed of seeing the sunset with her, counting stars with her, and never ending.

 _We are made of the same material as dreams._

 _Does that make us a reality?_

Recently we had taken the step to see each other out of high school, and by the afternoon we started going out to take a _parfait_ : a frozen chocolate milkshake that Ericchi had never tasted before, which she loved at first sip.

Hangouts in the neighborhood Akiba cafe drinking those delicious parfaits became, gradually, something needed to de-stress us out of classes and make both of us smile. They were part of our daily life, as was eating and studying. Go together, to take the chocolate she loved. I saw her happy face taking the shake like a little girl, it melted my heart even in the cooler evenings. I loved seeing her nonsense things, enjoy her poetic days, although they were very poor, they didn't stop being sometimes. I treasured in my heart every memory built next to her.

I loved knowing things about her, I always insisted on it and I put my best effort to do so, reaching the point that I ended up knowing more about her than her own sister; Arisa. Ericchi lived with her in a large apartment near the neighborhood where I was set. She also lived with her parents, but she hardly saw them for work in Russia and in Japan. I didn't visit ofthen the young Arisa, but she seemed to be a very happy girl with a passion for pop music of the Idols that are in fashion now.

One of the many things that were the reason I was impressed by Ericchi was her extreme addiction to chocolate, all the flavors, but preferably black chocolate. I got used to always carry some chocolate to class to brighten her day if she was angry, but I had to give it to her anyway even though she was in a good mood. I couldn't resist that peek, my sweet Elichika deserved that and much, much more.

Her incredible willpower was the reason she was an excellent student, with wonderful grades in all subjects. I appreciated her too much. I appreciated her words, I appreciated her body, her gestures, her laughter,...

"Nozomi"

I looked up from the chocolate parfait with blueberries I was taking to meet her beautiful and haunting blue eyes.

"I've been thinking about introducing me for Student Council president ..."

It was a strange proposal from her. Thinking about her enormous difficulty to show a little kindness to other students, wanting to hold an office as ... open like that just didn't fit her personality. Or at least the personality that she showed others, because with me she was different.

Are you sure about that, Ericchi?"

She looked at me confused by the question. She wouldn't understand why I said it.

"You're going to need to have more contact with people …"

A small smile formed on her lips, almost hard to see.

"Don't worry about it, I do it for all to change their idea of me."

She seemed to convince herself with those words. It seemed that she wanted to believe something that even she knew it was impossible.

"Ericchi,"

"... Yes? ..."

"...Don't lie to me."

She bowed her head and formally placed her hands on her lap. She had a sad expression; staring into nothingness and an unsatisfied grimace.

"Why do you want to do that, Ericchi?"

She put both elbows on the table, and then her face in her hands. She tried not to look me in the eyes, but she couldn't. As I looked often her blue eyes, she sought my turquoise frequently.

"I feel I can stop the school closure..." She tried to stand firm and not raise her voice. "They just need someone competent, someone who put motivation in her work..."

A couple of months ago, it had spread the rumor that our high school was in the process of closing. It was a very traditional, old and not very modern building, most students prefer to enroll in the new school of Akiba neighborhood, which had done famous thanks to its futuristic facilities and its group of nationally known Idols: A-Rise.

In short, Ericchi was that kind of person who would go for all, who would do anything and put all her might to make her personal goals a reality. Since arriving, she has felt very close to this school, I wasn't surprised at all that she wanted to give everything to save the school.

I smiled pleasantly at her frown.

"Do you think you could do it?"

"Of course!" She frowned when she said that, as if expecting me to not believe her at all. I let out a soft chuckle at her reaction.

"So you have my support, Ericchi ~" I grabbed her hand gently indicating safety and support. She smiled at me with those lips so desirable ... I mean, delicate; as a sign of peace to the situation.

We keep talking about unimportant things until dusk began to fall on the sky, then we took our books and we walked together to the crossroads where we parted for each of us go to our home.

That was the moment I hated most the day; when I had to say goodbye to not see her until the next day. It sounded absurd, being so exaggerated with something as simple and ordinary as that. Anyway, she had to go home with her sister Arisa. I had to go to mine, but no one would be waiting for me when I arrived.

"Well, Nozomi, until tomorrow."

"Until tomorrow, Ericchi."

I started walking toward my street, but after a few steps I stopped and turned to see her. She walked taking firm, fast and safe steps in the opposite direction.

When walking, her blond ponytail moved sideways. Her skirt was also moving with the movement of her bottom when she walked. As her buttocks moved through every step, the skirt was dancing from left to right, and sometimes, it went up a little...

 _Why am I thinking about these things?_

I could feel my cheeks burn. I probably was red as a tomato. I turned to walk towards my house, and when I arrived, I jumped on the bed trying to forget what I had thought before. It was very difficult to forget.

I buried my face in the pillow, trying to leave the shame impregnated in its fabric so I can get rid of it. As expected it didn't work, so I decided to study to try to take those things away from my mind. The lesson we were giving was very boring, it wasn't long until I started reading it monotonously without not even find out what about it was. So I spent much of the afternoon like that, until I found the time to make dinner, then I went to the kitchen.

I didn't feel like cooking. I opened the closet where I kept the vegetables and things like that and I took a prepackage of noodles. I only had to heat them in the microwave and it was ready. Advantages of living alone; no need to worry so much about the quality of the product or its aesthetics.

After dinner, I went to my room again and I changed my school uniform to wear my evening dress, something like a much more stylish and beautiful short nightgown. I pulled my hair down to get a braid and just before going to bed, the phone rang.

"Yes?" I said a little puzzled by receiving a call at this hour. I called only my parents and very occasionally.

" _Good night, Nozomi_."

It was her voice. That so soft, encouraging voice which I loved to hear. Without realizing it, I started grinning like an authentic fool. I approached the mobile phone even more to my face and I answered.

"Good night, Ericchi! ~" I think my tone sounded a little too sweet and cloying, but I couldn't help it. "What is the reason for this call?"

" _Can't I talk to you if I want to?_ "

It was very difficult removing that stupid smile that I had. I tried to speak as if I weren't so overly excited or something like that.

"Ah, yes, you can, Ericchi." I let out a small laugh. I heard another laugh in response from the other side of the line.

" _You know what, Nozomi? The other day I met Minami Kotori, the daughter of the director, and I told her of the Student Council and …_ "

Ericchi started talking about a lot of things. I wasn't sure about what, because I got lost in her voice, in her tone, in her breathing. I imagined her as if she would be in front of me, or maybe at my side. Whispering things to my ear.

" _Are you listening? What do you think?_ "

"Yes, of course. I think it's great, Ericchi!"

 _No, sorry. I wasn't listening ..._

 _What you are is distracting me from what you say._

* * *

The next morning, after have breakfast and get ready, I went on my way to school. It was windy, and quite cold. Everyone could tell that winter was coming down, so I decided to wear a scarf to protect myself a little from the bad weather. There were occasional flocks of birds on power lines; together, giving heat to each other. At that time, I was a little envious. It was a good excuse to...

 _I'm already with that again! I have to do something about it._

After a while; ten or fifteen minutes, I arrived at the venue. Quickly, trying to spend as little time as possible outdoors, I entered into the building and I went to my class. Ericchi was already there; sitting at my table.

"Good morning, Ericchi!"

"Good morning, Nozomi. I hope I haven't talked about very boring things yesterday evening..."

"Oh, not at all! I enjoyed talking with you."

 _I think she thought I'm ecstatic about yesterday ... I should pretend better._

"Well, I'm glad. So it's okay to go talk to Minami Kotori-chan to know more about it?"

"Yes, of course." _Perfect; I did it perfect._

We went to math and literature class before the mid-morning break. Both subjects seem pretty boring, so I just memorized the folds of the uniform jacket of Ericchi. Then, in the mid-morning break, we went to look for Minami Kotori.

Apparently, she was a student of the second year. We asked all the girls we saw, and we only discovered that she had gray-brown hair, caramel-colored eyes, a green ribbon in her hair and a very sweet voice. Even knowing what she looked like, find someone among so many people we didn't know even their names was almost impossible.

"Excuse me, do you know Minami Kotori?" Ericchi asked a girl passing by our side at that time.

"Ah, yes, she and Honoka went for their jackets, they will return now. Do you need me to say something on your part or you prefer to wait for them?"

The way that girl talk to fascinated me, she was very polite. She had long, navy blue hair and brown eyes. Transmitting tranquility. She seemed a good person.

"We'll wait for her, then."

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry again for my really bad English. And thank you guys for read my translation of my own story! What do you think about it?


	3. Chapter 3

We waited for something like ten minutes, in which a strange and uncomfortable tension was among us.

The girl with the navy blue hair was called Sonoda Umi, she was in the same class as Minami Kotori and she was in the Archery club. She kept talking to Ericchi and looking obsessively and nervously to her. I couldn't stand her.

"Emm ... Eli-senpai, you see, I ..." Umi muttered with a slight blush very annoying. Ericchi didn't heard it; she was too focused on look at the two girls who were walking toward us cheerfully. One had orange hair in a ponytail to one side, the other had brown hair and gray eyes that reminded honey.

"Umi-chan, we're back!" The orange hair girl shouted.

"Yes, I see ..." Umi glanced nervously at Ericchi before release of an entire sentence followed breathlessly. "The senpais seek Kotori ..."

The girl that by her reaction seemed to be the one that we were looking for, looked frightened. She stepped forward, and politely asked the reason for our search.

"You are the daughter of the director, right?" she nodded. "We wanted to ask you something about the Student Council."

She sighed and smiled a radiant soothed and soothing smile.

"Oh, sure. First, I'm going to introduce myself then" she laughed. "My name is Minami Kotori, I'm in the first year with my friends: Umi-chan and Honoka-chan." She said while pointing at them.

"Nice to meet you, Kotori-chan." We responded almost simultaneously.

"About the Student Council, you just have to give your names to the principal saying that you want to present. Depending on the number of people presented there, the president will be chosen with best average marks."

" _Harasho_..."

It was clear that if a student had an average score of 10, she was that student.

"Thank you, Kotori-chan," she smiled gently, "Umi-chan."

As we drove away from the scene on foot, I could see a big flush in the face of Umi-chan. I got a terrible desire to throw her through a window or something, but after all, I didn't even know her. I decided to ignore it.

We walk with patience and tranquility to the office of director Minami, but just before cutting to the door, Eri swallowed and closed her eyes.

"Ericchi,"

She looked at me with an expression on his eyebrows a little worried, you could tell easily that she was nervous. I approached her and smiled.

"Everything will be OK."

And with that; we entered.

The principal's office was a small comfortable and tidy room. The walls were painted with a reddish sky color, reminiscent of the summer evenings well into August. The few pieces of furniture that were there were wooden and seemed old, but the were in very good conditions. She was covering some papers right in the center of the room, in a varnished and restored oak table.

"Director, we've come to introduce us to join the Student Council."

She gave us a pleasant half-smile.

"Oh sure." She opened a drawer of her desk and she handed us two roles. "Fill them and everything will be in steps; I'll lend you few pens."

On paper there were simple questions about your plans and innovative ideas. Questions about your grades, your vision of the future and your vision of the academy in general. After about five minutes we just cover it and deliver it again.

"Well, in a week we'll put the names of the members on the bulletin boards in the hallways. Thank you." She gave us a smile before we said goodbye to her with formality and respect.

Eri looked much more relieved when she closed the door behind our backs. She sighed as she smiled.

"Nozomi, would you like to go for a parfait after school?"

"Don't I always feel like having parfaits with you?"

She gave me a sweet little laugh before heading to our classroom again to finish the rest of the morning we still lay ahead.

As I was recently going through, I didn't pay any attention to the new lessons we were taught. They seemed boring, uninteresting. None of them was blond, or Russian, or had blue eyes. I didn't cease letting out sighs all the time. Perhaps it was the atmosphere that was at that time of year, or maybe it was the burden of the exams approaching.

Although I knew very well why it was. I knew that a slender, fair-skinned girl tore me those sights. I knew that Ericchi made me behave like that.

But I didn't know how to admit it, nor understand it.

When the bell rang signaling the end of classes, we picked up our books and left the school at a leisurely pace, enjoying the company of each other. The weather began to cool, the winter was near and it showed with intensity. We went quicker to the maid cafe where we used to stop by our parfaits.

"It will be better get inside quickly." Eri said.

Even having a Russian side, she was a sensitive girl to state changes, such as the steps of the station, and travels to places with different climates. Still, she was always cold. It was something I couldn't understand. It was as if the heat doesn't work on her skin. Touching her hand made me tremble. But not only by her temperature.

Once inside, we walked to the place we used to always choose: one hidden corner in the back of the room, hidden in the crowd. She sat in front of me, as always. I loved that part of the day.

We talked about nothing important until a girl maid came to take our orders.

"Welcome! This afternoon I'll be your waitress ready to serve you, what do you want to order?"

 _I swear to have seen this girl before..._

She smiled ecstatically, she had a small accessory green on the hair, which was grayish brown. Her candy-colored eyes looking at us sweetly. Then I remembered.

"Kotori-chan!"

To say that, Eri also saw that I was right, and so did Kotori.

"Nozomi-senpai, Eli-senpai! I had never seen you around here, do you usually come here very often?"

"The truth is that yes, how come you've never seen?" Eli replied.

"I changed my turn to one a little earlier for personal comfort, I think we'll see us quite from now." She smiled. "Um, well, what do you want? The cafe is now offering a cheaper caramel candy milkshake, what do you think?"

"No way! No caramel candy!"

Ericchi smiled and laughed softly at my words. Candy was a flavor that I couldn't stand; too cloying for my taste.

"I take note! "

"To me, get one of black chocolate, and for Nozomi one of blueberries."

Kotori swiftly wrote the orders in her little notebook.

"Okay, understood. I'll be back with them. "And after saying that, she went to look for new customers.

"Ericchi,"

She shifted her gaze from nowhere to focus it on mine.

"Yes?"

"Why did you order for me?"

Before answering, she smiled tenderly.

"Because I took the liberty to invite you this evening."

"Ara~? And why is that?"

"For all that you do for me constantly, Nozomi."

My cheeks began to burn smoothly. The way she said it captivated me. The smile she possessed was incredibly sweet. The air around us became light and sweet. The puffs of oxygen that I inspired reminded me of her shampoo.

I had never stopped to think about the things I did for her; it seemed normal for me. She was my only friend, I had to care for her. I had to give everything for her. I had to pamper her, I had to talk to her, I had to appreciate all herwords, treasure them, love them.

 _Because ... that's what friends do, right?_

 _Friends feel how their heart is racing to be together, right?_

 _...It's unnatural that I feel attracted to a person of my same sex, right? I like boys_.

"Nozomi ...?"

 _I like guys_.

"Nozomi?"

 _And her curves._

"Do you hear me, Nozomi?"

 _She has breathtaking curves._

"Nozomi, are you okay?"

 _I wish I could appreciate them without clot-_

"NOZOMIIII!"

I gave a jump in my seat quite scared. Eri didn't often raise her voice.

"What happens, Ericchi? Are you all right? Did something happen?"

"I think I should ask that to you, you were absent. What were you thinking?"

I tried to evade the issue, but then my previous thoughts came to my mind in a thousand different ways. Somehow, I was worried.

"Nozomi, you are completely red. Tell me what's wrong with you, please."

"It's nothing, Ericchi. I'm just ... tired. That's all."

At that moment, Kotori appeared with our parfaits on a silver tray.

"Here you have, girls!"

"Thank you, Kotori-chan."

After lose sight of the girl, Ericchi asked again uncomfortable things that caused strange blushes on my cheeks. Something not lost on her.

"Nozomi, please! Tell me what happens, you're worrying me!"

"I-It's nothing, Ericchi! I'm serious with it..."

She looked at me with a remarkably frowning. I liked that Ericchi cared for me, but I wouldn't tell her the reason for my state and my absent blushes. On the way back home I kept thinking about it, I did nothing but beating around the bush.

I never had friends, so I didn't know what kind of feelings must I feel for a friend like her. A friend.

 _Ericchi's just a friend. So... why do I feel dissatisfaction to refer to her as such?.._.

Japan has always taught in schools that men have to be with women and vice versa. It was forbidden for two people of the same sex they shared feelings other than friendship. On second thought, I've never liked a guy. I had never felt any sexual attraction to anyone.

I wondered if that whirlwind coming up from my crotch to my throat to see the movement of Ericchi's skirt along with her butt resembled some of that.

I noticed easily how my cheeks returned to burn uncontrollably.

I suffered thinking about it. It was hard to admit something that was obvious.

After a while, the phone rang. I went to answer.

"Yes?"

" _Nozomi._ "

"Hello, Ericchi~ How are you?"

" _Worried, how could I be otherwise?_ "

I felt guilty for having Eri worried. Although I had to admit that I liked that she though of me. Knowing that she wasn't looking at me with the same eyes that I looked at her.

"Forgive me, Ericchi ... I told you that nothing happens to me, is just accumulated fatigue."

I tried to find some excuse for her to believe me.

"In the Wather Channel they have said that there's storm this week... I can't sleep when is stormy, I don't like it..."

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence until Eri spoke again.

" _In that case, I'll sleep with you this week. I won't let you be like that because of living alone. I'll take some clothes and go there now, okay?_ " nothing else to say that, she hung up.

With one hand I covered my mouth. I wanted to scream. Shout for joy, and nerves. But also fear. I never brought friends home for the simple fact that I didn't have, and for once I would share my little apartment with someone, that someone had to be the sweetest and tempting blonde girl in the world.

I wore my short nightgown, as usual. Ericchi would arrive just in time for dinner, so I started to cook some rice.

 _I hope she likes dinner_.

And before I start with that, I melted a chocolate bar I had in the kitchen's closet to put on heart-shaped molds I kept for such an occasion. I kissed each one before putting them in the oven.

The minutes were eternal while waiting to hear the bell of my apartment; she could come at any time. It was quite cold outside at that hour, but indoors it was fine with the heat from the heater. I went to turn up the thermostat to Eri came into heat quickly when she came. I wondered why so constant and pounding of my heart were due.

 _I really want her to come, but at the same time... I'm very nervous._

She had never been in my house, not even for a visit; simply it hadn't the occasion arose. I lived in a small apartment with a single room and-

 _I have only one bedroom. And I have only one bed._

A silly smile formed on my face while my ears were covered with a deep red color, I would have to share a bed with her. I was a little scared but ... I couldn't wait to feel her that close.

 _~Ding, dong.~_

Nothing else feel the sound of her long-awaited arrival, I combed my hair a bit with my hands and I went to open the door. I opened it carefully, just in case it was not Eri, but indeed a beautiful blue-eyed girl was across the portal with a backpack and warm clothes.

"Comes inside, Ericchi~"

She came in with a smile and left her backpack on the side of the hallway, under the rack where she hung up her coat and scarf. Then she looked at me, and for some strange reason, her eyes were fixed on me for a little over a minute. I got really nervous, and I blushed so much; like her.

"Is something wrong, Ericchi?"

She looked around to hear my voice, and my eyes crossed with hers. She began to stutter.

 _How lovely she looks when she's so flushed._

"This ... I ... n-n-or anything ..."

I looked to where she was looking for some and at least two or three minutes.

 _What am I doing receiving visits with this short and low-cut nightgown !? How could I wore it in such a specific day!? Oh, no, Ericchi will look at me wrong! But otherwise..._

Eri was flushed, unable to look anywhere else.

 _...She didn't seem to want to stop looking at me..._

I smiled, a little quieter. "Do you like my pajamas, Ericchi~?"

"Yes!" She nodded with an euphoric and unexpected enthusiasm that instantly I could tell that my cheeks were burn, in fourth, fifth, or sixth time that day.

"I'm glad." I laughed softly, watching Eri smiled a little. "Well, dinner is ready, are we?"

She nodded again, but this time only with a nod. We went to the kitchen and I served the food on her plate first. I didn't put too much, because at that time it wasn't good to eat too much. I didn't want to make Ericchi sick or anything.

I waited for Eri to taste the rice before starting to eat my own plate. She took a first bite and savored it for a few seconds. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

 _"Harasho..._ "

"Do you like it?"

"I love it!" Then she began to eat at breakneck speed, and within minutes, her food was all gone. She waited for me as she spoke entertainingly about Russian food that I had ever heard about.

When I finished, I collected the dishes and took them to the sink. I opened the tap, and suddenly, I felt a slight push to the side.

"No way! Besides cooking for me, you won't have to do everything by yourself. For something I'm here, Nozomi."

 _Cooking for her... Sounds like we're married_.

I smiled mischievously, something that didn't go unnoticed.

"Why are you smiling that much?"

I looked at her a little flushed. "Because you're with me!"

She smiled back, while I watched, not knowing what else to say.

"You're adorable, Nozomi."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying my translation. What do you think about it?

Oh, and, the School Idol Movie is near, guys! I wish it will has more NozoEli moments hehe.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't know how to react to that. I just blushed. As I always did, even unwittingly.

Every day I spent with her was clear that the concept of friendship fell short to show what I felt for her. I had known her for more than a year; one year wonderful for have been at her side. I was like in a fluffy cloud. Eri was my angel, my muse. And she had just told me I was adorable.

"E-Ericchi ..." I whispered, blushing. She smiled at me again, I saw a fleeting sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. I had to think of something to respond with consistency, but all my senses were blocked. I probably had stupid face.

 _What do I say now?... It must seem spontaneous... Oh, she's so beautiful... I can not think seeing that so ridiculously nice smile..._

"I-I'll _washi washi_ you if you say something like that again, E-Ericchi!"

I didn't understand why I said that, it just went out from me. I had panicked; I didn't want her to see me blushing and she found me vulnerable. In addition, washi washi Ericchi was something that sounded really interesting.

Unfortunately, thinking about it, I went back to blush.

And my nose started bleeding.

 _Just what I needed..._

"N-nozomi!" Eri ran to grab a tissue on the table and helped me wipe the blood carefully. I tried to avoid eye contact with her.

"Are you okay? What happened?" I wasn't sure what to say. "Nozomi?"

"Ericchi! Do not take it seriously!"

What are you saying? " She started to laugh after saying that, and blushed slightly. The tip of her ears was red. She really was adorable." Is that why you have started to bleed? "

I had to hold back a few tears for all the pressure that had built up in a moment. It was going to be a long, tense week, yet wonderful.

"... sorry..." I said with a sigh whispered.

"Do not ever worry about nonsense like that, okay?" She said with a comforting smile that reassured me after the bad time that I had passed. "Then, let's go to your room, it's getting late."

I couldn't help blushing again for the umpteenth time. But then I remembered the chocolate that had gone into the oven; and it must be ready.

"Wait, Ericchi ~! You can go, I'll go quickly now."

Eri nodded and left the kitchen. I crouched in front of the oven and opened the door. The sweet and pungent smell of freshly melted chocolate filled the air.

Chocolate reminded me of how cloying could be Eri at times. At her tremendous addiction for it, to my tremendous addiction for her.

Carefully, I picked up the small and tasty chocolates and placed them on a plate. I closed the oven and walked to my room. I hid the plate behind my back, and opened the door.

Eri had changed her school uniform for a long nightgown wrapped around her waist. She had also left her hair down. She turned to me and smiled.

I was speechless.

Her slender figure, her fair skin that tone as hers; pale and alive at the same time, her blond hair falling down her back like a waterfall of gold, and her smile, so gentle, kind, beautiful and sincere.

 _Oh, my God..._

Trying not to look too shocked by her beautiful figure, I handed her the chocolates, completely flushed. I couldn't utter a single coherent sentence.

" _Harasho!_ " Her face looked happy and excited, she had a little twinkle in the eyes. Without not even asking permission, she took one of the chocolates, admired its heart shape, and laid carefully on her tongue. I loved seeing her gestures feeling a pleasure as chocolate. Although I loved her more...

 _Why am I thinking these things?_

"...D-do you like it?"

"Sure, I love it! You cook really well, Nozomi, even chocolate!" This last was said with an ecstatic smile on her face.

I was very happy; see her so happy for something I had done, made me happy. Seeing her in my house for the first time for stay here the night, filled me with happiness. Seeing her in her nightgown, smiling, so close... I wanted that night to never end.

We ate the rest of chocolates in a relatively short time, appreciating our smiles, our little talks unimportant.

"Ericchi, um... I only have one bed..."

She looked at me a little confused.

"...that means we'll have to sleep together..."

Her confusion suddenly disappeared, revealing a slight blush.

"No problem, Nozomi." She smiled.

 _-Pumpum, Pumpum, pumpum-_

The beating of my heart became louder and faster. I prayed that Eri didn't listen them.

I got up to turn off the light in the room, but not before closing the door and wait for Eri to sit on the mattress. By touching the switch, the almost total darkness hid every possible detail or trace of light in the room.

I walked back to the bed and, at touching the sheet, a powerful weight lunged at me, grabbing my waist with all the strength it possessed and hiding its face between my breasts. It was Eri. She was trembling; she squeezed me so hard with as if she wanted to melt with me and disappear. She was afraid. Very afraid.

"Ericchi? Are you o-"

"Don't let me go, please. Never. Never."

Her voice sounded with a completely different tone. The words came clipped from her throat, as gasps taken from her inside as calmly and smoothly as possible. She held me tighter and tighter.

 _Ericchi..._

Slowly, I lay down, with Eri still hugging me. I covered us with a sheet and blankets, making sure to cover her body, so that she would be a little better. I returned the long, and at least for me, welcoming embrace.

"You don't have to be afraid. I'm with you, _Eri_ , I'll always be with you."

She was still trembling. I was devastated, terrified of whatever was happening to her. She had a fear of the dark I had never imagined.

"Shh, Ericchi, calm down..." I gave her a soft kiss on her head tenderly stroking her back. "It's okay, I'll protect you from anything. You don't need to be afraid."

"N-Nozomi..." Her voice sounded like a soft, almost inaudible whisper. I didn't know how to get her out of that situation. I felt useless, expendable. I wanted to help but I didn't know how.

In my eyes, and probably in the others eyes too, Eri was a really strong young woman, inside and out. She had an impressive character, rough and a little uncomfortable at times, and at the same time, a great spirit full of vitality and understanding. Seeing her in that state gave me a bad omen, she didn't seem the same girl as always. I never imagined that she could have panic to something, and much less to something as natural as darkness.

"Don't worry, I'll go to turn on the light again, okay?"

She grabbed me even stronger.

"No, don't go. Please, don't leave me..." I heard her slight sobs and suddenly, I felt how small cold drops were born in my chest and rolled to disappear under the covers. I couldn't allow that. I just couldn't.

With one hand I held her back, and with the other I grabbed her legs. I sat and stood up, in the same way that grooms lead to brides on their wedding day. I approached her to my body as I could, trying to hold my desire to mourn only because knowing that she was crying. It hurted me seeing her so bad;It hurted me more than anything in this world. I walked taking slow steps to the light switch and I press it. A gust of clarity caused Eri's tremors ceased, although she didn't remove the face of my chest, nor she stopped hugging me.

"Don't open your eyes yet, Ericchi."

I opened the drawer of the small table that was next to my bed and I took a few scented candles and a match. I placed them in various locations in the room, careful not to let Eri fell from my arms, and then I lit them. Then I went to turn off the switch, and kissed again the forehead of my beloved blonde.

I sat on the edge of the bed with her above me; who was still clinging to me as if her life depended on it.

"Now you can open them." I whispered.

* * *

 **(Eli POV)**

I hated the dark. I hated it in a paranoid and exaggerated way, but so hated it like that.

Jump into the arms of Nozomi was the best thing I could've ever done. Feeling the soft and warm touch of her skin, listening closely to her heartbeat, smelling her natural fragrance... these and many other things calmed me. They made clearer the darkness and the black of night had a much nicer tone. It's true that I not even opened my eyes. I couldn't have held my face up to face the darkness. O but still; I couldn't have endure to see her eyes shining in the middle of nowhere, so close to me. I couldn't have resisted the urg-

 _What the hell am I thinking?_

Sometimes, strange thoughts like that mercilessly attacked my mind; all of them related to her. With her pink skin tone, with her purple and long ponytails, with her turquoise eyes so wonderful, with... well, those curves that makes everyone crazy.

I didn't understand why those thoughts, but I never gave too much importance to them. All that mattered to me was to see her every day, hear the fun tone of her voice, the way she pronounced "Ericchi" that I loved secretly. Over the months I liked her more and more, all of her captivated me, all. I envy all those people who have been taking lifelong best friends, feeling this is... amazing.

 _Because this is what it means to be best friends... right?_

 _The rapid beating of my heart every time I got close to her, that feeling of protection I felt in her arms, that awful and irremediable urge to make her mine, to melt me into her body and form together in one soul... that's the friendship?_

Whatever it was, the only thing that was clear is that I didn't want to leave her. I was still clinging to her back with my arms with almost the same force as before, until she allowed me open my eyes. Slowly, I opened one. The first thing I saw was her chest. It was a good view. Very good, yes. But...

 _Were we not in the dark a moment ago? How can I see her?_

I looked up and I saw she smiled satisfied. I turned my head to meet a couple of candles at certain points of the room. The complete darkness was over, there was now only welcoming flashes of yellow light that allowed see a little. I saw her, I saw her eyes, saw her smile, saw her blush. Now I saw it all with a far more comfortable light than any lamp. But I opposed to go away from her body. I wanted to feel her protection, her warmth, her breath.

"I hope that with these candles you'll be better. They give a very romantic atmosphere, don't you think, Ericchi? And besides, they smell like chocolate." She laughed softly.

She was right. Nozomi was always right. In light of those candles chocolate, everything was happiness. Everything was nice, everything was happy, everything was appetizing. Because everything in the room smelled like her, and like chocolate. Because I had her in my arms, because we were alone and were the one from the other. Although that was something we didn't know nor understood yet.

"Yes..." I laughed in response, hiding my cheeks in her chest again. "Thank you, Nozomi. I don't know what would have become of me if you hadn't done this..."

"Well, probably you'd sleep so close to me that I couldn't even breathe." she said with a smile as she stroked my hair gently. I wished that moment would never end, but the sky had other plans, because a few seconds after, lightning followed by thunder lit up the dark night that looked behind the curtains and made the room rumble. I looked at Nozomi, who seemed to have tensed. And I remembered why I had decided to stay there that night.

"Nozomi..."

"Yes?"

"Didn't you say that... you don't like storms?"

She let out a nervous laugh and then sighed, stroking my hair and pulling me closer to her body.

"You know what, Ericchi? I said that so you don't worry..." She turned her gaze to one of the candles and smiled. "But I have no regrets. I really enjoy spending time with you."

I was mesmerized by the beauty of her face at that distance, lighted with that special light. I thought of her words, which, though not felt as such, she had lied. She had lied to me so that I didn't worry. I thanked the gods for having made Nozomi lied, and made me have this incredible opportunity to spend with her the nights. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed her by the waist and put her in the same position that I was in her arms a moment ago. I offered her a tender smile, full of warmth and happiness. I just let out what I felt, no matter what. I understood nothing, my heart was a mystery. I decided that he would speak instead of the reason.

"You know what, Nozomi? Let's pretend you're afraid of storms. I will hold you, to touch you and make you feel better. And not just today, if not the whole week, okay?"

She lunged at me, pulling me on the bed. With her hands she hugged my neck, and I carefully grabbed her so-marked waist. She hid her face in my neck and began kissing it. I felt how my breath was cut, my heartbeat was becoming more consistent. I hugged her closer to me, to feel the oppression exercised by her chest against mine. I perceived her peculiar vanilla smell so intensely that I couldn't help sighing deeply, as if it was a dream. Having a best friend was very nice experience, after all. Because she was that. A best friend. Or so I thought at first, because for some time everything began to be questioned. For some time I was glad to see her jumping because it produced a strange and strong hurricane of emotions that came up from my crotch to my throat. For some time her smile was the brightest sun I saw every day. For some time her fragrance was my drug. For some time I had declared hers in silent, and I had considered her as mine though that was prohibited. Because these doubts don't understand about laws and consistency. They only understand about two girls, who passionately love each other and with lust are desired. Although at that time, neither of us knew what kind of feelings were.

"Okay, _Eri_." She gave me one last kiss in the neck before looking at my eyes with a look I had never seen in her. A tempting and friendly expression, which I loved. She put her hand on my cheek, and I stroked her hand, smiling. "Don't let me go." she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

The faint rays of sunlight in the morning that were seen through the curtain like little spies woke me up. I wasn't sure what time or day it was, not even where I was. But the first thing I saw was _her_.

She was still sleeping, leaning sideways on the pillow a few centimetres from me. She looked like an angel, breathing peacefully, with blond locks of hair falling strategically misplaced over her nightgown. I couldn't stop looking at her, but I didn't want to look in another way. The sun was just rising, that was the reason why the light was pale and it enhanced in a beautiful way her face. Her lively cheekbones, the perfect shape of her face, her eyelashes, eyebrows, lips. I wondered why a girl like her didn't want to be a model, because without doubt she would be the best not only in Japan; if not all over the world. Her beauty was beyond all human expectations, all prototypes of perfect women. I adored her.

Sometimes I thought how extremely lucky I was to see every day and to have such a good relationship with someone like her. I could see every day that gorgeous girl, because she was always beautiful. That morning I discovered something new. An innocent and exotic beauty, that only I was lucky enough to appreciate in such a short distance. It was so, so, so vastly superior to all others in every respect, my _senses_ could only focus on her.

Ayase Eri.

She won all my _gazes_ , her natural scent so sensitive to _the smell_ gained all my breathes, her porcelain skin soft as cotton was protagonist of the dreams of my _touch_ , her melodious voice in all shades gained the attention of my _ears_ , and ... her lips, those juicy and delicate lips, with which lately fantasized, were the greatest desire of _the taste_. Perhaps they have that black chocolate flavor that tempted me, or perhaps they tasted like strawberry, sweet strawberry and freshly picked from the field, or who knows, maybe they just tasted like her. A harmonious combination of all the above senses, an explosion of emotions and feelings inside me, a new meaning of the universe for me, a new drug that I would have to constantly depend on, which I would never tire of eating.

I let out a long sigh, while I fantasized silently, giving a million laps to all my thoughts.

 _Isn't it weird that I want that much her lips?_

Because Eri was my best friend. She was my only friend. And friends don't kissed each other. Friends talked about boys... right? Or so they did my other classmates. At that age it is standard; hormones go haywire and is the subject that occupies more space in our brains of students.

On second thought, I never heard Eri comment on any guy. We had never talked about that topic; ever. Can it be that she had not yet reached that age where you start to feel more than curious about those things? But we were sixteen; it was almost impossible.

 _I'd better bring it up when she wakes up._

I tried to think of a plan or something like that, but before I could realize, some blue flashes as the sky looked at me curiously, with an innocent land tempting look. I smiled.

"Good morning, Ericchi ~"

"Good morning, Nozomi." she replied with a smile.

"Erm... hey Ericchi..."

I wasn't sure how to talk about the subject or what to say, but I needed to know.

"Yes?"

"..."

"Nozomi...?"

"..." I didn't want her to take a bad idea about whatever I was about to say, but you know what the people say; curiosity killed the raccoon.

 _Or was it the cat? Well, whatever._

"Would you rather muscular shoulders or six pack?"

"...What?"

"Answer, Ericchi!"

"Umm ... I don't know, I never stopped to think about it but I think if I made more sport I rather have six pack;. If my back was very muscular, it wouldn't look good in my clothes..."

I hit myself with the palm of the hand on the forehead. Sometimes dealing with this girl was really complicated.

"...I don't mean that..."

"Then what do you mean?"

"...you know..."

"..."

"Ericchi rather have a strong and handsome boyfriend, or one smart and friendly?"

She blinked several times without knowing what to say.

"I don't want a boyfriend, Nozomi. I thought you'd know that already."

At that time, I was the one who stayed unanswered. What did she mean exactly by that? That she wasn't still interested in love matters? Or that she was a lesbian?

 _¿Ericchi lesbian? It sounds very strange._

"What does that mean, Ericchi?"

"It means I don't want to have a boyfriend."

She seemed upset about that subject, but we never talked about it. Even if she was a lesbian, it was ok talk about it. After all, in our school there are only girls. Clearly none compares to her.

 _Wait a minute._

 _In my 16 years of life I have never said or thought about a comment like: "How handsome is that boy."_

"Nozomi, are you okay?"

 _But instead, I have thought: "How handsome is Ericchi."_

 _Oh, my God._

"Nozomi... don't start like the other day, please...".

 _Do I like Eri? Does that mean that I like girls?_

"Answer me, Nozomi!"

"What?"

"Are you going to tell me why you're like that lately?"

"I was just thinking."

"You looked worried. What were you thinking? That's because what I said?"

I didn't answer. I looked at the pillow instead of at her eyes. I didn't want them to dominate me as they always did.

 _Now these thoughts make sense... and many improper meanings._

"If I sounded very edge, it wasn't my intention... it just bothers me. Every day I have to put up with a lot of girls asking me what I think of the new young teachers, or neighbors around. I don't like talking about boys."

 _No, it can't be... After all, I only I like her. And I don't like her; I love her._

"Can I make you a question?"

"Yes, of course. It has to do with this?"

"In a way... but it isn't about boys, calm down." I let out a laugh on a sigh. I wasn't sure why, but I felt calmer. She smiled and gave me a nod to speak.

"… Ericchi... If you felt something, something that no one would understand, something that would make you have a miserable life... Would you be honest with yourself?"

She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow at the same time. She looked adorable.

"I don't understand, Nozomi..."

Explain things to Eri, is impossible mission most of the time.

"Well, I'll give you an example: Imagine that you want to wear pants, you love wearing pants... Although now that I think, it's true, Isn't it, Ericchi? When we have class, you always wear pants." I let out a soft chuckle. Eri smiled at me in a very gentle way. "The fact is that everyone looks at you wrong and insults you, they laugh at you and tell you that girls can't wear pants, because it is menswear. What would you do, Ericchi?"

Seeming to have understood, she stared at the ceiling for a while trying to find an answer, and then she responded with a huge smile on her face.

"Well, I wouldn't care. I would be willing to hear thousands of insults, to listen to millions of laughter behind me, and even to go to jail if with that I can bring my so precious pants. Because no one has the right to deprive me of the things that I like. Nobody, for much law or much money they have, they will ever be able to tell me what to wear or what to want. Because that's what it means to be free, don't you think? To have the right to be happy. The problem is that in this world, people who aren't happy, try to become aware of otherwise transformed into words the happiness of others in shortcomings. And exactly because of that, I can't help but be happy. I can't stoop so low as to make a case ignorant who don't know what that feeling of satisfaction with oneself and with the environment feels like. I can't stop smiling to satisfy some unhappy people. So I would take my pants to the end of the world if it was necessary. "

I was unable to speak after hearing that. I had no idea that Eri could express herself so well about philosophical issues. I was impressed; hear all that from her lips, her voice, she urged me to believe it. Because Eri was always truthful. I trusted her, and so was willing to do anything she would ask me. I would go with her to the end of the world if it was necessary.

"Thank you, Ericchi." I couldn't help it; I had to embrace her. Because it made me happy, and I didn't care about what others said or thought about it. Eri said to do the things we like regardless of the opinions of others, right? And if she said it; It was true. "You've helped me a lot."

"I'm glad, but... What had this to do with what we were talking about before?"

"Nothing ~" I showed her a smile. A sincere smile. A smile that said: don't worry. A smile that hid a larger feeling than any other, which wanted to leave, escape. I wanted it to be shouted to the world, but it was still too early for that. So I just smiled, happy to have her by my side. "Is it all right if we prepare and eat breakfast before going to class?"

"Sure."

And with that, the daily routine began.

As usual, we went to class. We had breakfast together, and we walked to the enclosure next to each other. I even helped her putting the ribbon around the neck of her shirt!

All went well, I paid a little more attention in class than usual, until we went to the lab in biology class. In that class, my seat was in front, while Ericchi's was in the back. That day we had to dissect the body of a living being.

"... A clam?" Not that I really sympathized the idea of dissect something. Anyway, I put plastic gloves and grabbed a small knife trying to do my duty as well as I could.

"Hey, Toujou-san, you must have enough practice with these things, right?"

The comment of the girl on my left and her grin sucked, but I smiled politely and answered with a simple 'I don't understand what you're talking about'.

"Oh, come on, and now you try to seem innocent? Take off the gloves and touch it with your tongue." She laughed and gave the five with her seatmate. In the laboratory there were a couple of long tables, I was in the front one, sitting in the middle.

"Yes, Toujou-san, it's not as if for the first time. Or you prefer us to ask Ayase-san? Well, it's not like you have possibilities or something." said her partner.

"W-What are you talking about?"

"Surely you touch yourself every night dreaming with eating Ayase-san's *****."

I didn't answer. I decided to ignore them; It was the smartest reaction.

"I'm sorry to tell you that she must have a lot of lovers around the neighborhood. How envy, could do it with all the guys she want..."

"Don't say that about Ericchi! She is not like that!" I couldn't stand the nonsense talk of those two. I needed to protect her, I wasn't going to let such comments.

Both of them started laughing and pushed me. "Well, well, the dyke is revealing? How lonely life you'll have..."

I tried to continue my work but I was pushed again. "Stop dreaming with Ayase-san and buy a dildo if you don't have one already, okay?" They said, laughing.

I sat up again, and just before they pushed me a third time, a girl in a pink sweather and with a short stature pushed them.

"Look who came to talk! I'm sure she has many more possibilities with whoever than you with any guy. Or did you speak with the voice of experience? Stop seeing that many soap operas and read that many erotic books, idiots!"

At the end of that phrase, the sensei appeared in front of our table and sent the pink sweather girl and me to the principal's office.

On the way to the office I looked further into her. Her eyes were red emerald, and her hair was tied in two high pigtails not very long. By her general appearance, anyone would have said she was about ten years, but no; she was in my class, and If I remembered well, her name was Yazawa Nico.

"Thanks for helping me, Yazawa-san..."

"Thanks? Nico has saved you! You should give me your food for a month at least."

She looked like funny, so I responded to her words with a laugh.

"I don't think it has been like to give you my lunch."

"Those idiots were doing bullying to you, why didn't you tell them anything to defend yourself?"

"I don't know, I guess defending others before me is part of my nature." I smiled just before knocking on the door and went inside the office. There, the director Minami collected some papers and kept them in her briefcase, preparing to leave.

"Good morning, Minami-sensei."

"Good morning. I'm sorry, but right now I'm in a hurry, I have to go to an important meeting. I'm just going to warn by megaphone to Ayase-san to start immediately with her homework in the Student Council and she will take care of whatever you two have done, okay? "

"Wait a minute, does that mean that Ericchi was chosen the president?"

"Yes, exactly. She was the best candidate for the position, both for her ratings and her character. Oh, I almost forgot, tell her that she has to choose a vice president and other managers to help her, okay?"

"But... aren't they going to announce it next week?"

"Yeah, well, we are very busy with the unviable closure so we needed a Student Council as soon as possible. Well, I have to go, bye girls."

Within seconds of her sudden departure, Ericchi came in with a tremendous worried gaze.

"Nozomi! Are you okay? What happened? I didn't hear anything in the lab, forgive me. If I just sit at the fr-"

"Don't worry, Ericchi. I'm fine. Minami-sensei just told us that you are the president of the Student Council, and that in addition to choosing a vice president and others, you also have to take care of dealing with these issues." I said referring to the bullying caused by our classmates.

Eri opened her eyes trying to process what I had just said. The truth is that it was completely normal, but the suddenness of the situation left no other option.

"Hmm... well, okay. I'll think about the vice president later, now I want to know what happened and why you're here."

"Look, it turns out that a couple of posh and bitter girls messed with her telling her that-" I covered her mouth before she said too explicit sentences.

"Ultimately, they insulted me telling me bad things. But don't worry, everything is fine now." I smiled trying her to believe my smile and just before she spoke, someone knocked the door.

The three of us turned waiting for the door to open, and then, three girls full of paint came in.

"I told you not to paint Kayochin-nya!" A thin girl with short orange hair and a funny way of talking protested.

"It was inadvertently, Rin-chan! It's your fault we're here now! Even Hanayo, which has no blame for anything!" A physically contrary to previous girl with red hair and lilac slanted eyes responded.

"Somebody help me!" Cried the third, a rather short girl, with lively and wet cheeks and bright eyes.

The six of us exchanged confused glances while a strange silence took place. I felt a familiar feeling, like a deja-vu. As if a dusty and rusty without certain parts gear, began finding them. Like a long ago broken bow would find a way to sew and tie again. I didn't know what it was, the only thing that was clear, was that we had a long and hard time until Ericchi fix our problems.

Although having her next to me, the biggest problem I had was not being able to kiss her.

 _I hope you have better things for me, dear fate._

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for my grammatical disaster. Again.

And thank you so much to those who help me fixing the grammar mistakes!


	6. Chapter 6

**(One year later)**

I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I remember the first time I saw her eyes, the first time I felt a distinct aura around her. The first time something struck me. _Someone_ , rather.

It was a cold winter afternoon, the Christmas holidays had just begun for us, the students. I liked to enjoy the sense of security and warmth of my small apartment as I watched and listened to the wind, snow, hail and the cold of the street. I was sitting on a cushion looking a photo album that my friends had given me in my last birthday.

 _My friends._

It sounded fantastic. It sounded so good, it didn't seem real; but it was. Because from a small slip happened at school last year, we were able to meet. And from the beginning, everything seemed done to and for us.

I remember the first time I saw them, too; full of paint, angry, upset and scared. I remember how Eri calmed them down and began to perform to perfection her work as president of the Student Council.

They were three:. Maki, Hanayo and Rin. Three students that were visiting what would be their next preparatory school and because of a misunderstanding, they had been in trouble. They lived in the same neighborhood as us, and for one thing or another, we agreed on the streets, in supermarkets and even in the shrine. They were very good girls. Girls who had something that made them stand out, made them feel different from the rest. Which of course, it didn't go unnoticed, and something that in one way or another, ended up joining us.

We used to meet to talk, go for walks and drink in the cafe where Kotori worked. I was not sure how, but she, Honoka and Umi ended joining us too.

We were a group of nine girls. Nine muses. Our personalities had nothing to do with each other, nor our thoughts, not even the way we view the world. But all of us had something in common. We all appreciated each other, and we were a family. The family I always wanted. Because in them I found what my parents never gave me; affection.

On my birthday they gave me one photo album that I watched when I was feeling nostalgic. I couldn't help but smile when I saw photos taken by treachery of Nico and Maki in which both of them flushed out to the ears, with that face of tsunderes that they showed the vast majority of the time. Group photos when we made trips to anywhere we could think of, or photos of summer vacations spent at Maki's beach house. I even laughed when I looked at the photos of Rin and Honoka being silly. They were my friends. My family. I loved them so much, that I couldn't help but let out my feelings when something had to do with them. I couldn't help but laughing, mourning, sighing. I couldn't avoid giving a soft kiss to the photos of Eri trying to calm the inner fire that every day grew more and more inside me.

I should emphasize that since then, since we met those three first years, since that stormy week; Ericchi and I were even closer to each other. She slept over at my house frequently. "I don't want you to be always alone; it isn't good for mental health," she said as an excuse, but I always knew how she loved me to make her favorite meal for dinner, or to bake brownies for dessert. I knew very well how she liked to sleep embraced me in the light of the candles that l always had prepared, and how she appreciated every single detail I had with her. After all, I knew her more than anyone else, and the smile she had when she spent time alone with me in my apartment was the most honest she could get to show. She looked happy, really happy.

 _And if she was happy, me too._

Over the days, weeks and months, I ended up knowing her a lot better than she knew herself. I found the silly and immature parts that hid the perfect Eri in the eyes of all.

 _But I loved her perfect imperfections._

Every day I gave everything a thousand laps. Absolutely everything. I wasn't sure why, but ever since she came into my life, everything became confused and everything begged me to find an explanation, which I never find.

I began to question my life, to find magic in the small natural wonders such as darkness or rain. I started to see gold where once I saw stones, and to see the sky reflected in those beautiful blue eyes belonging to the angel of blond hair that made me smile even in my worst moments. It was more than a simple desire. Much more. It wasn't her body; although partly it made her look even more beautiful than any human being could ever imagine, it was something, something like a reason or a fate. Eri was, is and always will be my fate. All souls on this planet are put on earth for a reason, all born alone, with a common goal: to find her other half. Find the other being complementary, the other person that could revolutionize the hitherto known order.

A person causing internal chaos that are the uncontrolled emotions and pure feelings. Our other half. I was born to find it, and each passing day, it was clear, even without reply at all.

 _Love doesn't need to be understood, it needs to be demonstrated._

Love. It was love what I felt for Eri? That strange feeling that everyone spoke in a terribly subjective way? Because in that case, I'll never find out. If that was the answer to all my questions, I would never get out of doubts, and all I would have clear would be that I was in love. I had never experienced anything like it, never heard of reliable close sources to what it felt like, but I knew that for every soul was different. Sometimes it was something good, something wonderful, addictive, and at times was painful, short, and tired. I didn't know which of the many versions believe.

 _Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused._

Broken, enslaved, and above all, confused. So I was, and so I felt every day whenever my brain thought about it without hardly want it, or trying to find a solution. Sensations that disappearing just by seeing her eyes. Because her eyes were like the sun, the biggest and brightest sun that existed in the universe, a sun that cast so much light that never produced shadows, and thus dispelled all my doubts.

But then, if love was something so extremely complicated and unreasonable, it would be best to let it flow. If it appears that the feeling that filled my body and soul was that, the smartest and healthiest he could do would be to let it be. Because that's love like, right? Free.

While I carefully observed a group photo that we had taken on the beach during the summer, someone knocked on the door. Reluctantly I got up to open, and two girls surprised me with their unexpected visit.

"Hello Nozomi-chan, nya!" shouted euphoric Rin, one of the girls in their first year.

"Good afternoon, Nozomi." Umi said with a smile, the girl that appreciated Eri so much. Sometimes I felt jealous of her casting glances to Ericchi, but during a camping trip I discovered her true feelings for Kotori, her classmate, our friend and the legendary maid of Akiba neighborhood cafe where we always ate our parfaits.

"Hi, girls. What a surprise; I didn't expect visit, what's the matter?"

"We needed advice-nya. And who better than the great Nozomi-chan, who always has an answer for everything-nya!"

 _Not everything precisely._

I replied with a giggle as the two left their coats on the rack behind the door and removed their shoes. The three of us went to the living room, where I was watching the photo album, and we sat around the table.

"Well, tell me. What is it that troubles you?"

I saw a sad look on their eyes, they didn't know how to get it.

"Well, you see... you know it's Christmas soon and... I was thinking about give something special to Kotori... but I don't know what, I don't want to be very obvious or that she take it as an indirect but still well... I want it to be different."

 _Ah, love. Always causing trouble even in the purest hearts._

"A gift, uh?" I put a finger on my chin thoughtfully. Trying to help, trying to say something that would serve them, trying to look as the girl they think that knew everything. But about love, I knew nothing.

"We just want advice-nya. No need to be right, but if you tell us, it will be reliable."

I smiled. It seemed incredible and exotic that way they have to make others feel better. I felt much less pressure on the matter, and I said what I thought.

"What if you say what you feel? It would be the best gift she could ever receive."

"W-w-what!?"

"Yes, Umi-chan! That's a fantastic idea-nya!"

Umi's face had turned red. That girl will never change.

"N-nozomi! You s-say that very sure... Has ever happened to you the same?"

I didn't know what to say. Lying wasn't something that I would be good at, and Umi wasn't a silly girl, she could be given consideration. And in the case of me to do that... what would I say? What would they think?

"Nozomi-chan?"

"I'd rather not answer that question."

Both of them noticed the sudden change in my mood and my voice, so they decided not to insist.

"But Nozomi-chan, we just need advice. We trust you-nya! You don't have to tell us what happened to you or with who, we just want to know how you planted face to the problem." her smile and her always cheerful voice pulled me a little smile.

"Rin-chan, the problem is that I never got to face it, you know? I think I can't help you on this issue. Sorry, Umi-chan."

They exchanged glances with expressions of concern. Then they looked at me, and I smiled at them. But they were my friends, they knew me, more less, and they didn't believe my fake smile.

"You don't have to go through these things alone, Nozomi. We are your friends and we'll always going to help, no matter what. We'll always be here for each other, you know? Always. That means you have to leave your lonely problems and share with us your difficulties, to make them simple."

Umi's words were always encouraging, but this time I didn't know if anyone could help me. I needed answers, and no one had them.

"I know, Umi-chan. I have no problem, I have only doubts."

"What doubts-nya?"

"Doubts that no one can solve." I sighed, looking back to the photo album that I had on the table. I turned the page, and as if by fate, there was Eli. Smiling at camera, wearing a white shirt and light blue jeans. She was radiant, she and her beloved pants. I could't help sighing again.

 _\- Because that's what it means to be free, don't you think? To have the right to be happy.-_

I remembered that time, when in a somewhat peculiar way I asked her about her opinion. I asked for going out of doubts, and her words always echoed in my head when doubt assailed me.

 _\- I can't stoop so low as to make a case ignorant who don't know what that feeling of satisfaction with oneself and with the environment feels like.-_

Perhaps Eli was right, and since that time, she always was. Perhaps the best thing to do to understand it all was stop looking for answers, stop trying to understand. And start to live, to feel, to love.

 _\- I can't stop smiling to satisfy some unhappy people.-_

Perhaps all I had to do was what made me happy. And she, Eli, made me happy. Happier than anything in the world.

 _-So I would take my pants to the end of the world if it was necessary.-_

"... so I would go with her to the end of the world if it was necessary..."

"Nozomi?"

"Nozomi-chan?"

I looked up from the photo to meet their still worried and confused looks. I smiled, but this time for real.

"I think I have no doubt now."

Rin smiled and looked at Umi, still uncomprehending.

"What does that mean then?"

"I'm not sure." I laughed. "I have no idea, and I don't want to have it."

I kept laughing, I got up and hugged them. I ran to the window of the room and moved the curtains, revealing the beautiful winter landscape of Japan.

"I don't understand, Nozomi... Why are you so happy suddenly? Did we help you? We haven't said anything!"

I kept laughing, jumping, hugging them, because I was happy. A happiness that they couldn't understand, because they weren't me, they didn't have my problems and they didn't found the answer in the same place where they doubt arose.

"Girls, girls, within two days is Christmas! And I have the perfect gift for the perfect person! Maybe this time I have only been able to help myself, but I'm sure that all of us will be able to achieve our dreams."

"Nozomi-chan is very happy. I'm glad-nya!" Rin laughed.

"I guess we cann't help but be pleased to see you well." Umi smiled, looking tenderly. "What gift is it?"

"The truth."

"...The truth?"

"A gift of love and gratitude for the fact that she exists, and I've waited so long to find her."

Rin and Umi looked at each other, with confused and disoriented looks, but somehow happy. The three of us began to laugh, and talk about Kotori and sometimes about Hanayo. We talked about all of us spending Christmas Eve together, what could we give to our friends. We talked about everything and nothing. Because in comparison to Eli, nothing mattered, and sought no longer make sense of any of those things. Nothing made sense, and that was the best. Enjoy things because yes, because they exist, and because she exists. Because that's life, and that's how you have to live it: in a happy way.


	7. Chapter 7

(Toujou Residence, December 24th, 15:08)

They were barely three in the afternoon when I heard someone chopping the doorbell of my apartment. I got up to open the door, but this time, I did expect visit.

"Hello, Nozomi-chan!" Kotori, Nico and Hanayo said in unison.

The three had agreed to come and help prepare my small house for the event tonight. The previous day, after talking to Rin and Umi, we call them, all happily accepted dinner at my house without any problems, but to feed nine people instead of a person, required time in the kitchen. So they came.

"Nozomi, I think we should go buy the ingredients soon. Today, all supermarkets and other shops must be full of people..." Nico said.

"Oh, of course. I will make a list right now." I took a sheet of a notebook and quickly wrote everything I thought necessary and essential for dinner, and then I gave it to them. They insisted that I stay at home resting; that I already had more than enough offering my little "home", so I nodded, and nothing else to see them go, I grabbed a black ink pen and paper. I sat on a cushion in front of the table in the living room, and carefully watching the snowflakes descend from the sky, all different, slow and magical, I thought the best way to be honest with myself and with _her_.

That was all I needed, all I needed and didn't have: the right words. The complication of describing such a large and confusing feeling in a few lines was new to me. What should I say? How?

I thought of Eli. Well, I always thought of her. I tried to focus on the reactions my body had when I imagined of her and translate them on paper, but they were not very delicate reactions and Eli would probably think I was a degenerate.

I deleted that idea out of my head, and I thought to write something in verse. Throughout history, everything has been expressed by verse. Why? I was not sure, but all the poems I had ever read sounded like classical music even being about death. They tasted like cotton candy even describing torture, and they seemed simple even explaining love.

I had never written a poem, or I had raised the idea. It seemed complicated. Very, very complicated. Talk about something impossible to understand with delicate words that they had a rhyme with each other. Definitely it wasn't something for me.

I tried to think of something else. I knew no longer what to think. The view I had from the window attracted me more than a white paper that wanted to be covered with certainties, phrases, truths. I saw the nearly empty streets, the wind carefully moving the branches of the trees, with fear from breaking them. In the same way that birds help their offspring to fly for the first time. In the same way fawns take their first steps. With fear, indecision. But they do it. They do it because that's how everything in life is, that's how all decisions are.

 _No one is able to choose without fear._

And then, I thought of that thing that I was leaving behind. I thought of fear. I thought of rejection, in her disgusted, sickened and angry expression. I thought of a goodbye forever, in years and years of suffering. I thought of her slender and natural figure farther and farther away from me.

Then I stopped thinking. To start shedding salty tears on the table. I didn't want that, I didn't wanting to see her reaction and that it was like that. I didn't want to give up my dream.

 _The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself._

I didn't want to back down; I wanted to be brave. I wanted to be honest, I wanted to show my feelings, I wanted her. In body and soul. I loved her so much... but I didn't know to give reasons, I couldn't explain why. I needed arguments, simple arguments, but at the same time complicated. Complex reasons written in words she could understand. Maybe I was underestimating her; after all, she was much smarter than I thought but she had silly moments and understand indirects was difficult for her.

Between ones and others thoughts in vain, I heard the voices of the girls across the apartment door and I got up to open the door again. It had been a while, I wondered how much food they would have bought during that period.

Behind the door, Kotori, Hanayo, Nico, Rin and Honoka smiled widely with bags of various foods.

"Merry Christmas, Nozomi-chan!"

"It isn't Christmas yet, Honoka..."

"It doesn't matter!" Honoka looked more lively and hyperactive than usual. "Let's begin to prepare everything!"

She ran to the kitchen when she took off her winter coat and his shoes. Kotori followed her, apologizing for Honoka showing that much emotion. I couldn't help but smile and feel happy. It felt like home, ironically. Finally I spend a Christmas with my _family_.

"Hey, Nozomi."

"Yes, Nicocchi?"

"This ... Eli's not here yet?"

"...Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, usually she's almost always here, right? And on a day like today..."

Yes, Nico was right. It was Christmas Eve, and Eli still hadn't shown up here. I seem to remember having heard from her that on Christmas day her parents would come early in the morning to visit her and Arisa or something. I decided not to worry too much about it, and pray silently her to appear soon. Still, I couldn't avoid having a horrible lump in my throat.

"I think she had to do something with her sister and their parents because they come tomorrow. Don't worry, I trust she will come when she can." I smiled. But Nico knew me.

"Nozomi..." she said with a sigh. I kept smiling. "When was the last time you saw her?"

"About 3 days ago; from the last day of class."

"She hasn't called you since then?"

I wished I had been able to respond otherwise. "No."

"And then..." she looked at me with a clear expression of confusion. "...Why don't you call her?"

It may not call her would have been my fault, but what I was supposed to say? I miss you? Please come? I need to see you? Definitely call her didn't sound like something that was in my hand, at least not until then. Nico rested her eyes on mine trying to reveal what they hide. Fortunately, only Eli, and barely, managed to do that.

"I was embarrassed..." I said looking away from her crimson eyes and focusing my eyes on the balls of my feet. "Besides, I didn't consider it extremely necessary."

"You know what? Let it be. There is so much to cook and with that spirit of death that you have, you wouldn't do more than distract and lower the morale of the others." as she said, she went to the rack and picked up one of my coats to give it to me. "You better go for a walk, clarify everything that goes through your head and ..."

I put my coat waiting for what was to come later. "...And?"

"And stop thinking so much about her. Okay?" She smiled, trying to convince me. I appreciated her gesture, so I asked them with a smile that they shouldn't do any mess and that if they needed help they have to call me without hesitation. I took a scarf and left the apartment.

Closing the door behind me and look at the street I felt a terrible sense of loneliness. Maybe it will come right for me after all, spend time discussing everything with myself that i don't understand. The truth is I didn't understand the mysterious absence of Eli, let alone in special days. I tried to play it down, but it was extremely complicated. I didn't even had written a "declaration of truth" as a Christmas present for her, nor they had left me help making dinner. What could I do if was not thinking about her or in her absence?

 _Love is based more in absences than in presences._

Without hardly realizing it, I came to a small park. It was full of snow, and trees endured small piles of white mass on its weak and bare branches. No one was there, no child, no dog; It was empty. The sun began to fall in the afternoon, with a reddish color that painted the sky, trying to give a warmer tone. Among all that snow in every corner, I saw a little flower. It was pink, with five petals elongated. It was alone. A precious work of Mother Nature there, hidden from the world. Nobody could see that beautiful flower.

I crouched beside it, giving heat with my breath. Closely it looked even more beautiful. It reminded me of someone. A certain cold, lonely and different girl. A girl I only knew how to appreciate that hid from the whole world except me. I smiled, treasuring in my mind how the sun fell gently on the stem, gently stroking it. I sat on a bench near the flower, and pulled out a folded paper from right bag of my coat, along with a pen. Looking at that flower, I found the words. Words that by thinking about blue eyes were dispersed, but the thought of a similar beauty, a hidden treasure of the rest, lit me with the same tenderness that the afternoon sun. I just said what I felt, I write warm words like rays of light that rested on my sheet of paper what was happening inside me. And indeed,I still didn't understand, I didn't understand why, but I had no doubts. I had to enjoy it, had to be happy, and thanks to that flower, I learned to find the words to share my feelings with her, Eli.

 _Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided._

Realizing that the sun had disappeared, I hurried to get back home. I knocked at the door and to my surprise, they all received me with Umi and Maki, who had already arrived. I looked at them, but a certain blonde who I wanted to see wasn't there. I let out a quick, soundless sigh before going to the table, that all of them had prepared, and we started eating; longing the presence of a person who I needed by my side.

"The food was delicious! Especially the rice!"

"Kayochin loves rice-nya!"

Everyone laughed about Rin and Hanayo's always cheerful comments. Nico was surreptitiously watching me all through dinner; she had noticed my mood, and she knew why. Trying to fix it she decided to organize a tournament between all playing Parcheesi. Kotori won. The atmosphere among the other was lively and cheerful, I was hoping to see Eli appear at the door, but every time I turned my head trying to find her, something inside me hurt in a sharp and horrible way. And of course, Nico had noticed it.

"Psst, Nozomi." She whispered as the others laughed the strange funny things of Honoka and Rin

"What do you want?"

"Hey ... I know ... you're missing something, or rather, someone, but try to brighten the face, okay? Tomorrow is Christmas, we can't afford seeing you like that."

"I know, Nicocchi ... Don't worry."

He smiled and soon went to his home because it was getting late. Maki went with her, and then left Rhine and Hanayo. After them were Honoka, Umi and Kotori, leaving me alone on the eve of December 25th. Before leaving all they had helped with the dishes and pick up what they had messed up so I wouldn't linger longer, I went to bed; waiting for the arrival of the next day with the hope of being able to see _her_ and give the truth.

* * *

(Toujou Residence, December 25th, 8:00)

That morning I was a little more lively, or a little sad, depending on the point of view from which I looked at everything. When I opened my eyes, I decided to stay a little longer in my bed, admiring the comfotable and nostalgic silence that enveloped the room. Suddenly I remembered the date we were. I remembered I hadn't little brothers who see happier than anything on that day, or a family which have breakfast together with me. It had nothing to do at that special date. I had no reason to get out of the bed

Or at least until I heard someone knocking the door of my apartment.

I ran without hardly look in the mirror, without waiting for anyone more but her. I opened the door slowly but eagerly. I was disappointed enough to see a man in his forties wearing the uniform of a florist's well known in the neighborhood.

"Are you Toujou Nozomi, miss?"

"Yes, it's me."

"So this is for you. Merry Christmas." He handed me a bouquet of flowers, pink lilies to be exact, and then he left.

I was quite confused. I went back home totally focused on this strange gift. I returned to my bed and sat on it. I watched with love and care that beautiful bouquet, trying not to intimidate any lily. Suddenly, I saw a letter hidden between the petals. I took it gently, and I read it:

 _Dear Nozomi:_

 _First of all, I hope to have your forgiveness. I hope not to receive hatred or similar emotions from you. I have had a number of personal problems that I wouldn't discuss with anyone, and that's the reason why I couldn't even say goodbye properly. Forgive me also for not warning, but I had no choice. Sorry for everything, and thanks for everything. Thank you for taking care of me, for making me laugh and have me gotten to become a person at least a little better. All that and more, has been, is and will be thanks to you. I'm no good with words, and there are too many things I would say, is why I only know how to try explaining me with simple things, only certain phrases._

 _Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But the worst suffering is not knowing what decision to make._

 _Sadness does not last forever when we walk in the direction of that which we always desired, you know? That's why someday, I will find the path to you._

 _Sorry for everything, thanks for everything._

 _PS: I hope you liked the flowers; they reminded me of you: beautiful, delicate, mysterious. Merry Christmas._

 _Love you, Eli. From Russia, with love._

* * *

And then I felt how the world was falling on me. I felt how I stopped breathing, simply because I couldn't, or because I forgot how. Because everything in my mind was she, lilies, and forgiveness. I was tied to an unhappy life, enslaved by parting words.

 _Only love enables us to escape and transform slavery into freedom._

So I wouldn't give up so easily.

* * *

 **A/N:** Please, don't kill me yet. Let Eli explain herself in the next chapter, okay? (And sorry for the grammatical disaster, as always.)


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Sorry guys for the late update, the grammatical mistakes and all. From this chapter until the final chapter (there are twenty chapters), the story will turn around one hundred and eighty degrees. It will be full of angst and drama, and if anyone is curious and know Spanish, you can read the full fic without grammatical mistakes searching it in my profile (Desde Rusia con Amor) because it is my language and the original is already finished.

* * *

 **(Eli POV)**

(Ayase residence, December 24th, 13:17)

It was a cold day. Not as much as the winters in Russia, but the humidity reached your bones. Just thinking of her comforted me. It was all that seemed to warm me up.

 _That sounded a little weird, huh?_

My sister Arisa and I had to clean the house and pick up the tackle for the upcoming arrival of our parents, scheduled for Christmas morning. Fortunately, and thanks to our permanent organization, it took barely an hour to leave the apartment as clean as if it was new.

"Onee-chan, onee-chan!"

"What do you want, Arisa '"

"Since we finished cleaning... Can I go to Yukiho's home?"

Unlike me, Arisa had much better deal with her classmates than me. We were very different; she, unlike me, was open, trusting, and always cheerful. Qualities that sometimes I envied, but more than once they had achieved something bad happened to her. Yukiho was the sister of Honoka, one of my friends. Yes, I finally got to make friends. Clearly, without the help of my dear Nozomi I would not have made them.

 _Nozomi..._

"Sure. But be sure to be back for dinner, okay? After all, today is Christmas Eve."

"Yes! See you, onee-chan!" she ran to get her coat and I knew I was alone when I heard the sound of the door closing behind her.

I let out a long and hopeless sigh. I was alone; again. It was about three days that I knew nothing about Nozomi, I don't even had the courage to call her. Perhaps she was busy doing God knows what.

To think that last sentence, my mind went blank. Well, not exactly blank, let's say an invented or inappropriate picture invaded my brain for longer than allowed.

 _What's happening to me? Always the same... I guess it's normal, what more could think of a teenager home alone and dying of cold?_

I shook my head to get rid of all those nonsense that came to my mind like bees to honey, but it was almost impossible. It had nothing to do, I had no courage to face the shame that came over me when it came to her. I was a complete coward who only knows how to dance ballet. The only thing that I ever was trained and yet the only thing that I could never be the best in. I was a failure. Failure of person, a failure as a woman and a failure as a dancer. The only thing left was to shrink over my bed, hugging my knees, trying to feel a little more useful. But it was no useful.

I didn't even have the right to think that I could allow the unaffordable luxury of declaring certain gorgeous purple-haired girl as mine. There was nothing in my being that could make me stand out from others. What if I want to get used to the idea that she preferred me before a college guy? I didn't understand anything, I didn't understand my own thoughts. But I had too many dilemmas to worry enough to try finding their meaning.

I constantly tried to think positively. It is true that all of our high school girls write letters or make confessions to me. I remember I thought they liked my cold character, my dedication to the studies and work on the Student Council, my physical appearance and other things like that. All these were really subjective things that I could not trust. What if she didn't like my blond hair? Or my blue eyes? What if she wouldn't even notice me for being of the same sex? It was a torture trying to think otherwise. I was a real failure, for God's sake! Is it possible that such a wonderful girl like her would notice me? No, I thought not at all. But despite everything, I couldn't keep it out of my head.

I would never alienate all those doubts, all those unanswered questions. Because I was a coward, and talk about something so complicated with her was out of my reach. Maybe I could have called her, or I could have visited her. I could have asked her out and see the Christmas decorations in the neighborhood. We could have gone to the Akiba café and we could have shared a chocolate parfait with blueberries. Then, we could have gone to her empty apartment, and we could placing ourselves huddled on the couch with the heater on while watching one of those mythical adorable films that cast for those dates. Later, I could have tasted her delicious food, and hopefully, at night, I could have tasted _her_.

But no; I was a coward. All my dreams were out of my reach.

My heart was a Pandora's box. Always closed, for fear of what it could hide inside. Hidden, locked in the depths of my being. Accurate feelings that never see the light of day. Because, ladies and gentlemen, the former dancer almost universally recognized with Russian genes Ayase Eli was a real coward who didn't have enough to say what she feels. Because yes; she was scared. Because the fear of Nozomi's rejection was much worse than the blackest darkness that had never existed.

I couldn't prevent a cascade of salty tears began flowing from my eyes. Tears of rage, impotence, cowardice, fear. An explosion of contradictory emotions that I couldn't cope. I couldn't with it.

Suddenly, pulling me out of everything in whatever I was thinking, someone rang a couple of serene taps on the door. I looked at the clock, which was barely four o'clock in the evening; it was very strange that Arisa came so early. I thought of Nozomi. Perhaps it was her. Maybe, just maybe it that way I would dare to ask her out a little earlier in the evening. I could invite her to have dinner at our house with Arisa and I for not having to spend Christmas Eve alone. It would be a wonderful night, no doubt. But all my dreams collapsed when the person I least expected to appear at that time in my apartment door appeared.

"Hello, my cute and clever Elichika."

"Hello... grandfather."

My grandfather, Mr. Pyotr Ayase, known and respected nationally in Russia, was a youngish man both in age and in appearance, gray hair, gray eyes, pale skin and hypocritical gestures most times. He was almost fifty, and he kept with great vitality that many envied. I always assumed it was one of the things that the cold and the alcohol caused in older people; a strong performance. For him, money mattered more than anything else in the world, he was a great man of business owner of many companies, protected by many mafias and feared by many, many people. The strange thing about this visit, apart from knowing his tiny relation with his family, was that I had only seen him a few times in my life: all of them in very important finals of professional ballet competitions; finals in which, as the unsuccessful girl that I have always been, I wasn't in first place. I didn't know him, I hadn't him as a grandfather or anything. We only shared the family name. Seeing him there in front of my apartment, it gave me a very bad omen.

"Aren't you going to say anything more to your grandpa, Elichika?"

I remained silent, trying to smile in a friendly way.

"You were always a very cool girl." Without another word, he walked to the middle of my living room.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to say.

He smiled, with a sinister grin, looking anywhere but not in my eyes. He was dressed in a very elegant way, as if to prove to everyone that he had a big capital. I appreciated that Arisa wasn't at home at the time.

"What do you think? I thought they called you cute and clever for something, dear."

His smile was disgusting. It reflected falsehood and pure disgust. It was unbearable to watch.

"You shouldn't be here."

"And who says that?"

"I do. Because this is _my_ house." I sort of felt a little proud to have had the courage to reply with a firm voice. In the inside, I was feeling a coward, but I tried by every means to stay upright.

"Let me correct you: this _was_ your house. You're coming home with me and your sister too, but don't worry about her, they have already gone to pick her up..."

My breathing stopped for a moment. I didn't know how to analyze the situation, I didn't know what he meant. I did not know how to respond or appear to be as strong. I was a coward.

"What? You can't appear here as if nothing and believe that we'll go with you."

He felt the trembling and weak tone of my voice, to which he smirked.

"Dear Elichika, you'll have plenty of cute but I'm afraid that of clever you have nothing. Had you forgotten that you are still a minor? Not to mention that there is nobody in Russia who dares to contradict me. I have many contacts that might change your mind, if something like this doesn't change it before... " He moved his right hand to his pants pocket, he left it show the bright metal of a knife. A shiver ran down my spine.

"...What do you want?"

"I want your talent, your physical, your beauty. I have been offered a huge sum of money by the great dancer Ayase. I want my professional ballet dancer, to make me even richer, dear." He smiled with a satisfied grin.

How dare he even referring to me as an object of his property? He had no right. The smart choice would be calling the police, denouncing or contacting with my parents. But neither was certain, because it would have consequences.

"I refuse."

"Onee-chan!" I took my view quickly to the place of origin of that voice that sounded. At the door, I saw Arisa, with watery eyes and a man behind her holding her, for not letting her to escape.

"We can always take advantage of the innocence of the little Arisa to get some other wretched fortune." His dirty intentions angered me. Nothing made sense. I couldn't refuse, I couldn't resist or escape. I couldn't do anything. "Elichika, if you're a good girl you can enjoy many luxuries, don't you understand? Just come with me back home."

I remained silent.

"You can buy all the clothes you want, all the cars, servants, and you will have all men that you want in your bedroom when you have free time."

Inside me some wires got crossed. I didn't want money. I didn't want cars. I didn't want fame. And much less men. I knew exactly what I wanted.

"My home is here. With my friends, Arisa, and Nozomi."

For the first time in the afternoon, he looked me at the eyes when I said the last name.

"Nozomi? The cute Elichika already has a boyfriend? We can convince him to come, it's not a pr-"

"Nozomi's a girl! And I don't think of getting away from her!" Tears streaming down my cheeks looking loophole, something I couldn't find so easily.

His gesture took a turn one hundred eighty degrees. His grin became a look of contempt and revulsion. "A girl..."

"Yes. A beautiful, tender, intelligent, cheerful, understanding, caring girl. A girl I adore. A girl I love."

For once in my life, I felt brave. At last I was opening my heart, probably by the pressure and fear of leaving everything I wanted. At the same time, I removed a huge burden off being honest. Pyotr's eyes could strike down an entire regiment if looks had the power to kill. His look contrasted with the look of surprise of my sister, which was followed by a warm smile of approval. I smiled to myself; grateful.

When I felt an impact on me I forgot Arisa smile to realize that someone had grabbed me by the collar and had pushed me violently against the wall. All I could see were his clear gray, angry eyes, and his scowl. He was so close that I could smell him, I perceived its fragrance of wet ground and metal to perfection . It was horrible. It remembered me of the smell of blood.

"Listen, stupid whore, because I won't repeat it."

I tried to close my eyes and go away, but the smell was so intense that it made me want to vomit, which forced me to keep my attention on him. I heard Arisa sobbing in the background, the rough movements that she made to get free from the man in black, I heard the heavy breathing of Pyotr, but they were just a lot of echoes. The nervous and frightened beating of my heart, was the main sound.

"Your name is Ayase Eli, okay? You're one of the best ballet dancers in Russia. You're granddaughter of the famous and graceful tycoon Ayase Pyotr. A beautiful young lady wirh blond hair and admired figure. You possess all the men you please, and all the luxuries that interest you. You are a smart, strong girl, and above all, quiet. Do you understand? I won't tolerate that my granddaughter is a fucking lesbian; and I'll let all men who work for me violate you if I get to change that. Think twice before naming that bitch."

"Nozomi isn't a bi-"

A few seconds later, I felt a strange burning sensation in my cheek. It hurt me. But I didn't regretted having said it, and I would say it a thousand times more if it's necessary.

When he stopped grabbing me, my legs failed and I fell to my knees. I didn't quite understand what was happening, but I knew I had to protect what I wanted. I had to do what this man who could be classified as unknown wanted if I wanted Arisa to be safe. I was forced me to stop loving. What a naive, right? Asking impossible things to a not-that-cowardly coward.

He adjusted his tie and his suit before he sighed, and turned to the man in black.

"Hey, Stanislav, leads the girls in the jeep, I'll go ahead to get the tickets."

"Yes, sir."

After saying that, he walk away with the same ease with which he came. He climbed to a dull gray car with tinted windows and drove away from the apartment. The man that I kept in my memory with the Russian name Stanislav looked at us with sadness.

"Sorry about this, but it's my job. Although I couldn't betray him even if I wanted without risking my life and my family." He had green eyes and blond hair, much like my sister. Unlike Pyotr, he was a man in his twenties, with square factions and rather soft and tender gestures.

"We know, don't worry about that." I said once stood.

"Let me introduce myself a little more formal: my name is Risko Stanislav, senior confidant of Mr. Ayase. Now we have to go to the airport, so please go in the car."

Without understanding anything yet, and relying on the young Russian more than in Pyotr, we did what he said. I sat in the passenger seat, and Arisa in the back. When we put the seatbelt, he started the engine and we set off at a safe speed.

"I'm really sorry about all of this, but I hope you understand that I have no right to speak."

"We understand you, Stan-chan." Arisa said with a smile from the rear.

"Arisa!" I replied annoyed by the lack of distrust that she always showed.

"Sorry, onee-chan..."

Stanislav let out a soft chuckle as he watched Arisa by the rearview mirror.

"From now on I'll probably be the best person to trust, so it's an honor to call me that, Ayase-san."

"I'll thank you not to call us with the family name that we share with such a monster." I snorted, annoyed.

"Understood. Is it right and Arisa and Eli-san, then?"

"Much better." After all, that boy seemed much nicer than I expected.

Talking about anything with extreme importance, we reached a small traffic jam in one of the busiest streets in Akiba. I looked out the window to see the florist, a few meters from the car, right on the street. A few people were buying last-minute gifts, probably for their special someone. I sighed.

"Eli-san, do you let me give you some advice and a few coins?"

I looked at him confused.

"I must admit you had been very brave defending that Nozomi in such a loyal and faithful manner. A feeling tells me that you won't see her in a while, let alone maintain contact with her. It's Christmas, what better than give her some flowers? I'm sure she will thank you even if you have to leave so suddenly." He smiled trying to make me feel better.

I smiled back, thanking the gesture. Taking advantage of the jam, I got off the car with the coins he had given me and entered the flower shop. When I close the door behind me, the fragrance mix of dozens and dozens of different kinds of flowers and plants broke my nose. It was a pretty big place, where the walls were barely seen because of such huge amount of nature subject in pots. There were so many, and all so beautiful, I didn't know what to choose.

"Good afternoon, do you need help?" A clerk looked at me with a friendly smile and probably tired from a hard and stressful day at work in a store surely full of people doing their last minute shopping.

"Hi, and yes; I need some flowers for a girl." I felt a deep pride shake my body every time I said that.

"Oh, of course. What kind of flowers are you looking for?"

I hesitated. I had never given flowers to Nozomi, even considering she was a girl who loved nature. Perhaps the roses were always a good choice. Red, passionate, straightforward. No, no, no, it was not the style of Nozomi. And carnations? No, no, very typical... What about sunflowers? Do not even think about it...

I took a quick look at the store, until little white flowers that were behind a small fir trees transplanted caught my attention.

"Excuse me, what are those flowers?"

The clerk went to set aside the pots where that trees were and picked up with care the white flowers. "Oh, these? Are lilies."

"Lilies..." They looked lovely. I didn't understand how such beautiful flowers occupied a place so hidden from the people, so far, so private. A contrasting white lilies against the tide of color that were the rest of flowers. Yeah, maybe they would work.

"Do you think she'd like them?"

"Well, in my opinion, they are really beautiful. They have a mysterious, tempting air, while they have a sweet air that few flowers have." I looked at them again. She was right.

"Then I took these. Could you bring them to this address tomorrow morning?"

"A Christmas present, huh?" She smiled. "Of course, would you want to write something for that girl along with the flowers?" She went to the desk, opened a drawer and took out a paper and a pen. Then she gave it to me.

I looked at the blank paper a little puzzled. The idea of writing something in the situation in which I was found could be dangerous, but would probably be the last chance to contact her. I needed the words to keep her safe, but to be happy with myself.

I had to find the words that I would say if it was the last time I had the opportunity to talk to her, given that it might be indeed.

I had to remain brave, as I was before. I had to finally take off the weight off, but in her case, it was more complicated. Ironic how I could replicate a millionaire Russian gangster easier to tell the girl of my dreams what was going through my mind every time I thought about her.

I opted for the basic, short and simple. Apologize for everything in short, apologize for not saying goodbye and apologize for not having been the woman I should had been.

 _Sorry for have been a coward all my life, Nozomi._

I signed, I folded the paper and pointed the direction of her apartment in it. I gave it to the clerk that with a smile hid the letter among the lilies. I gave her the coins, smiled back, and like a coward and a loser, I returned to the car with Arisa and Stanislav, to follow the Airport Road.


End file.
